By DOROTHY ROSBY
It’s a new world. Isn’t it time we update the old adages we used to live by. Early birds don’t even want worms anymore. A penny saved might be a penny earned, but it won’t buy you squat. And if it ain’t broke, we don’t fix it anyway; we redesign it. And the old one, which was perfectly fine, becomes obsolete and starts taking up valuable space in the landfill.
Of course, I mean “we” in the universal, royal sort of way, not me personally. I’ve never redesigned anything myself, except I once tried to use American cheese in a recipe that called for cheddar because I didn’t want to run to the store.
But today, I’m going to try redesigning some old maxims to be more in tune with the way we live today. Frankly, some of them have let me down. I really fell for that old adage that nothing is impossible. Then I tried pouring ten ounces of hot water into an eight ounce cup. Yes, my watched pots never boil, but when I don’t watch, they boil dry. And I always thought that if I kept my nose to the grindstone, it would get smaller. Maybe I misunderstood that one.
Many old sayings can be improved with some additional information, for example, all the world’s a stage . . . so you better learn your lines.
Absolutely, play the hand you’re dealt . . . but first learn to play the game.
And time heals all wounds . . . but that doesn’t mean there won’t be scars.
Maybe if you choose a job you love, you’ll never work a day in your life, but your boss might prefer you work every day.
And yes, that which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, but you might still wish you were dead.
A few of the old maxims need to be updated for the modern world. For example, if you’ve been looking for the silver lining, you haven’t been watching gold prices lately.
Maybe the only constant is change, but you get less of it back than you used to and you get none back at all if you use your debit card for every purchase.
Yes, life is short, and it could be even shorter if you text and drive.
And we can all stop worrying about too many chefs spoiling the broth. The extras will be eliminated on Top Chef.
A few old saws should be done away with altogether. I’ve always thought the “good die young” is a bit of a disincentive.
Yes, most of what we worry about doesn’t happen. But why quit doing something that works so well.
And I want everyone to stop saying, “If you want something done, give it to a busy person,” because I’m the busy person they keep giving it to. Not all busy people are ambitious and efficient. Most of us just have trouble saying no.
Since I’m eliminating some adages, I’d like to add a few of my own to make sure we still have an adequate supply. You might have to chew on them awhile to make sense of them. They might not make sense then either.
If you want to dry off, you have to get out of the shower.
Just because it’s none of our business, doesn’t mean we don’t want to know.
A little whine is good for the heart, so try to whine a little every day.
Swim in the water you find yourself in or find a way to drain the pool.
And finally, be kind to everyone! You never know who might win the lottery next.
