by Dr. Larry Moses
No one asked me but… When my wife suggested I might feel better if I lost a little (lot) of weight, I tried to convince her that I am anorexic. People don’t understand that many of us over weight individuals are fighting this dread disease. Each morning I get up and plan out how much I should eat to keep the sixty extra pounds that cushion me from anorexia. Do I get congratulations? No! Only remarks about my obesity. Where is the charity folks? Maybe I could start a club and have others who have successfully defeated this dread disease meet me at the nine-dollar buffet at the Virgin River each evening.
I knew I was getting a little fat when I stepped on my son’s talking scales and it said, “one at a time please”. The talking scale at Wal-mart could only say: “Get off! Get off!” I was standing by myself one day and a government official came by and assigned me my own zip code. The real clincher was when I got up from a metal folding chair and had to fluff it up.
I felt it was time to do something and I began walking two miles a day. Now my back hurts, my legs hurt, my feet hurt and my knees are asking my brain when they were transplanted on to an idiot.
It would be nice to know why my feet hurt, but I haven’t seen them for so long that if they didn’t hurt I wouldn’t know they were there. When I go bare foot, there is a clicking sound on the tile, my wife says it is my toe nails and if I lose another ten pounds I may be able to check that out myself.
I asked a physical fitness freak, who is a friend of mine, why I hurt and marathon runners can run all day and not feel the pain. He compassionately explained they don’t weigh two hundred pounds. I don’t either, but I wouldn’t mind getting down there.
I saw where the Olympic marathon winner weighed 112 pounds. I can eat that much in a week. My only rule is that I will not eat anything I cannot lift. My work out philosophy is never run when you can walk, never walk when you can stand, never stand when you can sit and never sit when you can lie down. I have a friend whose has worked out all his life and his philosophy is “no pain; no gain.” There is, however, proof that no pain can result in a lot of gain. Evidence of this is the extra 60 pounds I carry with me each day. My philosophy is “no pain; no pain.”
I have once again begun a campaign to reduce the volume of my body. This has been an ongoing battle since I was in my mid-thirties. When I was a youngster, I never would have thought battling weight would be an issue. There was time when I was in high school that I would do almost anything to gain some weight. I played defensive middle guard on the football team and on a good day I weighed all of 140 pounds. Some one told me bananas would help put on weight. I began a banana campaign. I did not gain any weight but did find I could sleep in a tree without falling out.
I have a skinny brother; he has always been skinny and will probably be buried in an envelope. If he stands sideways and sticks out his tongue, he looks like a zipper.
When I suggested to my oldest son that I should be cremated, he said that would be impossible. When I asked if that was because he could not stand the thought of his father body being disfigured, he stated, “No! They would not be able to control the grease fire.”
When my older brother and I stand next to each other, he looks like he has been in a famine and I look like I caused it. When we were kids, from a distance people often got us confused.
One day his daughter stated, “I always wonder what my father would look like fat and now I know.” She is no longer my favorite niece. He often is after me to get into shape, and I remind him pear, round and oval are all shapes. He has his “six pack abs”, I have my keg. He tells me my body is God’s temple and I should take better care of it. I agree my body is a temple and I have built a front porch on it. I reminded him that God must love fat people because he has made so many of us.
Besides being thin has been an issue only in the last generation or so. Grandmothers of my day did not worry about a waist line; they were too busy with the clothes line. Whatever happened to the grandmothers and aunts of old that were so big that, when they hugged you, you disappeared among the folds? Grandma would never have asked grandpa, “Does this dress made me look fat?” Because he would have said, ” No, the sixty pounds you have put on makes you look fat.”
When did grandmas start worrying about looking like anorexic models? Ladies, you are supposed to put on weight as you get older. There comes a time when your value is measured by the pies and cookies you bake more than how slender you may be. Thin may be in, but fat is where it’s at.
No one asked me but… I have watched a very small part of the Democrat convention from Denver, but I did see a portion of my favorite albino’s speech. Mr. Clinton indicated that Barrack Obama is the best man running for the presidency this year. Am I over sensisitive or did I hear a little extra emphasis on the word man? Mr. Clinton who referred to Barrack’s campaign for the Democratic nomination as a joke earlier this year assured everyone he now supports Barrack as the “best man” for the job.
It must be hard for the Clintons to support anyone other than Hillary. If Mr. Obama wins the election this year, it will be eight years before Hillary can mount a campaign for the office. If things went well there would be no need to change the Democratic candidate in 2012. If things don’t go well changing the candidate would admit the Democrats were to blame. Parties very seldom dump an incumbent president. That means the next time Hillary would be able to run would be when she is seventy years old. The only thing I could think of worse than a seventy year old man for president is a seventy year old woman. There is a reason why most successful companies are run by people in their mid-fifties to mid-sixties. They usually have the experience necessary and still have the energy to fulfill those positions.
Thought of the week… No diet will remove all the fat from your body because the brain is entirely fat. Without a brain, you might look good, but all you could do is run for public office. -George Bernard Shaw.
TELL US WHAT YOU THINK!
Comment on this story. Send a letter to the editor by email, click here: EMAIL US
