No One Asked Me But…
by Dr. Larry Moses
Published June 3, 2009
No one asked me but…I wasted an evening watching the movie “Marley and Me”. I will ruin the movie for you so if you don’t want to know how it ends stop reading now.
The dog dies. Well, most dogs eventually die. The only question I had after watching the movie is why the dog didn’t die sooner. At one point in the movie the owner of the dog says, “Marley, you have always been in the top five worst dogs in the world. You have now vaulted to number one”.
The movie traces the life of a golden lab with more issues than Britney Spears. The dog eats pillows, couches and furniture of all makes and models. He is kicked out of obedience school and is completely unmanageable.
The movie traces the dog’s life of about twelve years. When the dog finally dies, many in the theater were in tears. I felt like standing and cheering. The only redeeming factor in this dog’s life was the fact that his owner was a columnist who parlayed this animal’s misadventures into a syndicated column.
This movie did get me thinking about all the pets we have had over the years. Maybe the New York Times will come calling as I review my misadventure with them. We have had gold fish, Henrietta and Bolivar Shagnasty the Third. There were no Bolivar Shagnasty One or Two but it seemed like there should be a Third. There were the hermit crabs, my middle son was so fond of, along with a number of those little painted turtles that kids seem to love so much.
I believe it was on our first anniversary that I bought my wife two love birds. I could afford the birds but not the cage. The pet shop owner gave me an old cage. Apparently the reason it was available was it was defective. I took the two birds home, placed them in the cage and they escaped. My wife was at work as I chased these two birds around the house. I finally caught one and placed it in the repaired cage. The other, however, escaped up the exhaust fan above the apartment stove. I figured, well, that was twenty dollars lost and I would tell my wife I only bought one. However, the one I caught began to screech and the other returned to the outside of the cage where I was able to capture it.
These were not friendly birds and we gave them to the Idaho Falls Zoo when my first son was born. We were afraid he would put his finger in the cage and they would bite it off. If that was the case, the kid would never learn to count to ten.
Parakeets were common in the house as the kids were growing up. Then we started with Cockatiels. One of the birds we have now wolf whistles at my wife when she passes the cage. My wife did not think it was funny when I suggested that I had paid forty dollars for it and got a blind bird. Sometimes humor is not the best policy, silence is.
We even had an owl for a short period of time. We kept it in a cage in our garage in Las Vegas. The bird was outside my classroom at Valley High School. It had been injured and could not fly. I took it home where we fed it hamburger, among other things. It never regained its ability to fly. Or it may have merely figured it had it pretty good right where it was. It lived with us for about six months and then one morning it was dead at the bottom of its cage. We speculated that it was part of the problem that allowed us to have it in the first place.
Cats are another issue. We have had our share. We went through a number of cats in Las Vegas. They seem to come and live with us for a while and then disappear. We had a cat we left with a friend for the summer when we went back to Iowa. About half way through the summer the friend called and said they had lost the cat. They were very upset, but I figured it was just another cat. It was not like there aren’t a lot of cats in the world.
Almost a year later we got a call from a stranger on the other side of town stating they had our cat in their garage and it was hurt. I said, “I don’t have a cat”. They said, “Your name and address are on the collar”. I made a note to never put a collar on a cat again.
Sure enough it was the lost cat and it had a major injury. The cat was in bad shape and I had all intent of having the vet put it down because the medical treatment was going to be sixty dollars, a lot of money in those days.
I made the mistake of taking my wife and boys with me. The boys cried and said we had to save the cat and we did. Six weeks later a German Sheppard killed it.
The last, and I mean last cat, we had was named Shredder. That says it all. Fortunately, the last few years of Shredder’s life was spent in the garage. It was her choice not ours. After our cocker spaniel died, Shredder disappeared for two weeks and I thought, “Great the cat is gone”. However, she returned but she seldom came in the house again. The few times she did come in she was frantic until she was out again. I can’t say I was sorry.
Now I just enjoy the neighborhood cats. Owen visits often, but Dufus hasn’t been around lately. There was a cat I called Big George. Big George didn’t belong to anyone and was the nastiest old tom cat in the world.
He did all the bad things tom cats are noted for and he was huge. He chased our garage cat from its bed and took over. It claimed territory and carried the battle scars to prove it.
He lasted in the neighborhood about a year. I am sure some neighbor did their duty and took the steps necessary to get Big George out of the neighborhood. But while he was here, I liked that old rascal. He would come to my back door and cry until I came out to pet him. He didn’t want food just a moment or two of my time and we two old renegades spent a short time together. I’m not sure what happened to Big George but I bet he went out with a fight.
Next week I will tell you about the dogs we have had as they are a story unto themselves. Who knows, these columns may well lead to my syndication. I definitely believe that I will be able to double the salary that I now receive from the Progress.
Thought of the week… Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow. – Jeff Valdez
