By DR. LARRY MOSES
No one asked me but… I got a new computer desk and had to rearrange my office. I don’t really have an office as it is a converted bedroom, but I humor myself by calling it my office.
In the process I reviewed some of the documents I have filed over the years. I thought maybe I would share some of the thoughts and ideas I have accumulated over the years.
When parents talk to children they often say the dumbest things.
“Do you want me to slap your face?” “Sure, mom, that is the first thing I wished for when I woke up this morning.”
“If I told you once I told you a million times not to exaggerate.”
“Do you want me to knock you into next week?” “I sure hope so. I will miss my math finals”
When a parent asks “why?” The only answers are “Why not’, or ‘because’ which infuriates the parent and leads to the next question. “Just who do you think you are?”
The answer is “I thought I was your son, but maybe mom met the Schwan’s man.”
Which leads the parent to declare, “Don’t get smart with me.”
The child’s answer is: “Okay I will be dumb. Is that better?”
When the child reports he lost something, a parent’s response is “Where did you lose it?”
The only answer to that is, “If I knew it wouldn’t be lost.”
To which the parent’s responses is: “How could you be so dumb?”
The only answer from the child has to be: “I believe it is genetic.”
Let me see if I can define some answers from children for you. The key to understanding them is being able to read the tone, duration, and pitch. It is kind of like a Chinese dialect.
The answer “all right” seems innocuous enough, but tone means so much. It can mean don’t bother me, or it might mean I greatly resent the authority you have over me, but I will acknowledge it and take your garbage out. Or it could simply mean, “okay.”
“Great” can mean great, or “not that again,” or “you have ruined my life.”
“Sure” can mean “that’s what I would expect from a person as old as you, you don’t know what you are talking about, or you have ruined by life. Great with a door slam, sure with a foot stomp, yeah with a quick turn of the head all can mean you ruined my life. The thing that saves the parent is a teenager’s life begins all over again each time his/her phone goes off.
“Oh!” With a rise at the end means that this IS going to cost you money. For example, “Oh! I lost my retainer.” “Oh! I need a new laptop.”
“I cleaned my room” means the mess that was in the middle of the floor is now in the closet or under the bed.
“Everyone is wearing them” means I saw them on a movie video.
“It’s not cold” means I lost my jacket.
School questions are always fun. When you ask “How was school today? Okay means don’t ask.
When you ask “What did you do in school today?” and your child says nothing, this maybe the only truthful answer you will get from your child all day. During the 18 years I was in the classroom I taught my students to say two things when their parents asked about their day at school. First, today
I had the single most significant learning experience of my life in Mr. Moses’ class and secondly, Mr. Moses needs a raise.
When you ask your child “Do you have any homework?” and the answer is “I did it in study hall,” that really means I pretended to do it while I was in study hall so why should I have to pretend to do it all over again here at home. If the answer is “I don’t have any homework,” it really means I forgot to bring my book home. “My teacher never gives homework” means I lost my book. “I don’t know when my homework is due” means it is due tomorrow. “Can you help me with it?” this means it was due yesterday.
“I’ll take care of this” means I am willing to pretend to take this seriously if you will pretend to believe me.
“That’s not how it’s done now and you don’t understand” means absolutely nothing. These are merely ploys to make you feel bad about how old you are.
“Whatever” means why are you still talking when it is obvious even to the most casual observer that I have stopped listening.
“When I grow up I want to be just like you” is one of the most sobering statements a mother or father can hear.
A mother overheard her young daughter screaming at her doll and when her mother asked what she was doing, the daughter stated she was playing mother. Seeing one’s own faults in their child can have a sobering effect on a parent.
No on e asked me but…. I came across a poster that stated: “Never try to teach a pig to sing, it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.”
It brought to mind a conversation I had with a central office employee of the Clark County School District. I attempted to explain that the alternative schedule (block schedule) approved for Moapa Valley High School by the State Department of Education over twenty years ago is not a violation of the law.
I attempted to explain that the law requiring a student to be enrolled in six periods or the equivalent for funding from the State is being met. One block of 84 minutes is the equivalent of two of the 42-minute periods in a seven-period schedule. Indeed a student can have an open period each day and still have the equivalent of a six-period day. This is not rocket science math but it was not a thought this individual could grasp.
Other sayings I came across that I related to this conversation were: “It is important to know when to stop arguing with people and simply let them be wrong.”
“I could agree with you but then we would both be wrong.”
“You should not blame the clown for acting like a clown, you should blame yourself for going to the circus.”
“All good work is done in defiance of management.”
And finally: “Improvise, adapt, and overcome.”
Thought of the week…Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
