OPEN FORUM: Monsters in the Backyard

There are strange things done
In the midnight sun
By the men who moil for gold

The Artic trails
Have their secret tales
That would make your blood run cold

“The Cremation of Sam McGee”
Robert Service

By DELMAR LEATHAM

The Progress

On a quiet Saturday afternoon. I was watching a western movie with my son when the phone rang. It was my neighbor calling for help. A strange creature had showed up during the night and was roaming around in his back yard with a confused look on its face.

My son and I rushed to the aide of our friend. The final 4 hours of our movie, Lonesome Dove, would have to wait.

We met our neighbor at his back gate and he quickly described the problem we faced. A creature he had never seen before was hiding in his rose bushes and he wanted to identify it and then get rid of it. We surrounded the rose bushes so we could get a good look at the beast. It was a giant musk rat.

Musk rat Susie or musk rat Sam we could not determine. We decided it was a ‘she’ because she had chosen to hide in a rose bush.

Where had she come from and what were we to do with her? Using our collective wisdom, we decided she had come from the reservoir via the irrigation ditch. A moment of compassion hit us and we decided she needed to go home because her jitterbug family would be missing her.

Now, how do you capture a giant wild rat and how do you transport her back to her loving family? A handy cardboard box presented an answer and seemed like a good choice for a trap.

We positioned the box near the roses and attempted to herd the animal into the box. As she dashed from her cover, we realized we were dealing with a beast of unusual intelligence along with very large claws and a mouth full of teeth.

We huddled up and decided that shovels were needed. We laid the box on its side and it was decided that I would get behind our nemesis and chase her into the box. My other two accomplices would then close the lid on the box with their shovels.

To our dismay the water rat refused to flee from cover. Summoning all my courage I grabbed our quarry by the tail and gave her a good shake. She ran into the box and the lid was quickly closed.
We rushed to our pickup and my son held the bouncing box in his lap. The musk rat was trying to escape by chewing a hole in the box. My son implored me to drive faster.

By the time we reached the reservoir our captive had chewed a golf ball size hole in the box and her nose and two-inch teeth were clearly visible. From the looks of her teeth, she may have left the reservoir in search of a dentist.

We released her back into her natural habitat. Seeking a ‘thank you’ for our efforts.
We informed the irrigation company about what we had done. They were less than pleased. It seems that they are not in love with muskrats.

I have notified Captain and Tennille that the lyrics in their song may be misleading. The animals burrow into the dikes and levees and create leaks which have to be patched.
In retrospect we could have dispatched the animal and tanned its hide for future use.

A search of the internet will give you some general guidelines on how many hides you need to make a coat. I would only need 134 muskrat pelts to make a small jacket.

While I could proudly wear a muskrat jacket, I’m not sure my wife would brag to her friends about the beauty of her rat coat.

Maybe a name change for the muskrat would be in order. Maybe lake puppy or passionettes would be good names?
Ermine coats are highly prized but in reality they are made from the skins of weasels.

I do live in the desert and I have no need of a fur coat. Perhaps a nice pair of driving gloves would be a better choice.

My neighbors rose bushes seem safe for now but you never know when some strange creature is going to appear in your back yard.

Be safe and leave them alone. They may just go home on their own.